The former Stig was not seen again for another hour, when he appeared in Regent Street, having missed the finish line, presentation and interview

A cracked cylinder block put paid to a run in this year’s veteran trip down to Brighton, but an alternative was on offer. Tesla arranged for me to drive one of its electric cars in the RAC Brighton to London Future Car Challenge. If you think electric cars are slow, have a range no further than the end of the road and are driven by vegetarians, you may have to reconsider. There has been serious progress since the Sinclair C5 (mine lurks in the office, so far failing to become the next collectors’ classic).

The Tesla’s peak power output is around 290bhp, but that’s not the point. It’s the torque – 400Nm (or 295lb ft) from zero revs – that creates a new driving experience. It’s fairly basic and fairly pricey, but the Tesla is actually a mini-supercar. Away from the lights, it will make the eyes of most Ferrari and Porsche drivers water; and its top speed of 130mph would get you locked up for months.

A couple of things need addressing. The first is that you really need access to proper charging facilities. You can plug into that 13amp socket in the garage, but it will need all night. A two-hour charge requires a more sophisticated supply, which is fine if you live next to a power station.

The other issue exercising the manufacturers is noise – or rather, the lack of it. The trouble is that pedestrians receive no audible warning of the car in motion. Given the state of the economy and high unemployment, this could be an opportunity for a man with a red flag to precede the slower vehicles, but faster vehicles require something different. I’d recommend the CD of car sounds enclosed within my new book [quite enough promo, thanks – Ed], but I’m happy to generate a new CD of suitable sounds to be played through an external speaker system.

Tesla had decided to go for a fairly radical driver line up. I was in one car; Perry McCarthy in the other. Perry – former Top Gear character Stig and fully qualified motoring lunatic – is extremely fast on four wheels, but his navigational skills are limited. He was forced to follow me (and I was trying very hard to save energy, which ensured snail-like starts from the lights and low running speed), and he did so in exemplary fashion. So well, in fact, that I thought there was a green window blind in the rear screen of my car, but it was only Perry following closely. Really, really closely.

All went well until Parliament Square and the last 700 metres to the line. In a blinding manoeuvre, Perry passed me on the inside and seized the lead. Sadly he then turned left instead of right and was not seen again for another hour, when he appeared in Regent Street, having missed the finish line, presentation and interview.

I was particularly sorry to see that Harold Dermott is to leave McLaren after caring for customers almost since the inception of the McLaren F1. My experience is that most customer service personnel, be it in furniture, electrical appliances, computers or cars, are recruited from the guard house at Guantanamo Bay. Harold, on the other hand, has a glittering career ahead of him in the diplomatic service, should he choose to take it up. He has spent a great deal of time delivering bad news (ie, the estimate for the work) to McLaren F1 owners.

You might think that, if you buy what was the world’s most expensive car, you shouldn’t have to worry about servicing costs. You’d be wrong. I’ve seen strong men lying on the floor beating their fists and weeping as Harold gently administers the news that emptying the ashtray will require the services of Brinks-Mat.

Even better, though, has been his ability to explain clearly and calmly why these costs are so astronomical. I recently revisited a fax from Harold in which he’d responded to a complaint from me regarding a quote for fitting a new numberplate.

‘Your insight into the manufacturing techniques for the numberplate is uncanny. There is no way you could know that 
this is preceded by the mining of the precious reflective plastic ore in the foothills of the Himalayas. This is then shipped by llama across the Gobi desert to the boat in Shanghai, a process complicated by the need to keep it refrigerated to exactly 4.2 degrees at all times.’

I just hope that his successor, Marcus, is as familiar with the parts manufacturing details.

NICK MASON

Pink Floyd’s drummer and a great car enthusiast, Nick has raced classic and modern cars for the last 30 years and has written two books: one on cars, Into the Red, and one on his version of the history of Pink Floyd, Inside Out.